Failure

One of the things I routinely joke about is that I was working harder in 1st grade then I was in grad school. I am always amazed by this fact. Sometimes I would wonder to myself if that ment I was doing something wrong in grad school. It always made me keep going in grad school this maybe bad but at least when you do wrong you now know why so you can fix things.

That constant repetition of the imaginable things you don't know what to do. You get so tired of writing things over and over again. When you grow up you get to do things that are not repetitive. However in the same respect I find myself trying to find things that expand my writing to a point that I can be repetive in. I write down quotes sometimes because it is fun but also because it makes me work on my writing. I also write award nominations cause it makes me write things quickly and articuly with out proofreading usually so i have to be good at doing it myself and if I suck it doesn't matter. I find that writing is not something i find natually I need to practice it. I need that same repitition I hated in my childhood.

I find growing up with a sense of constant failure you have to find a reason to keep going. Mine was I belived I wasn't a failure, I belived I had something to prove to myself. I had something to prove to others to. However it also makes you realize if you fail it isn't something horrible it is something to ignore. When you grow up with LD you have been told you are stupid and dumb more then you are told you are smart. That does something to you. Either it makes you resistant to it and persaverant or it makes you belive them. I don't know if either is right I always think my job is to make sure people do not become the second.

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