My friend once asked you have been proving people wrong on purpose your entire life when can you just do it for you? It is wierd I think about that question a lot when you are told time and time again you will fail  and then you keep succeeding. When you finally have that job you have been pushing to get. How do you respond. Does that mean you have proved them wrong does that mean you have proved yourself right? Is there something you must automatically do to succeed to find some where to keep pushing yourself is it still good enough to know you are exceeding expectations?

Sometimes I wonder if achieving something you aren't supposed to ever means you are just doing it for yourself. Is it frustrating sometimes yes. There is something wierd in side you that just keeps pushing you forward and you know that by you doing it people can come after you. Disability is in a lot of ways the thing that makes me smile and be giddy all the time. I don't understand it. I don't know why this is sooo important for me to think about and talk about and my other idenities don't seem to affect me as much. I think they are very important to look at and challenge but there is something that sorta makes it what I lead with a lot. In the same way the more I work at women's center women is taking a really huge front to everything. So I keep trying to connect the two women and disability. I guess I keep strugling with the whole idea of when does the voice in your head that sounds like that teacher who kept telling you will fail go away completely if you have achieved past her wildest dreams.


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