Teachers and administrators: the good the bad and the ugly 2

So today, I am out of sorts going through the I did everything right I got the jobs, the activities and 3 degrees all of which with a 3.0 or higher. Here I am job searching and I can't seem to find the jobs that will allow me to help people, which is what I want to do..... and when I get down I hear my third grade teacher in my head telling me that I am stupid. I think we all have someone in our head telling we are stupid or at least most LD kids do. So this is reflection on the bad teacher number 1.

I was 2 years after being dignosed coming off of my 2nd grade teacher who was amazing and really worked with me and was the first person who made learning fun to me. My 3rd grade teacher didn't belive in learning disabilities told me and my mom that we were faking it. That all I needed was more work. I will remind you this is the same girl who at this time was working at least 5 hours a night on homework.(after grade school, getting a masters is a piece of cake ;) a lot less work )

I don't know how to discribe how scared I was of her. She called me stupid infront of the whole class. She wouldn't let you go to the bathroom while she was teaching or ask a question while she was talking I peed my pants 3 times that year (did I ever tell you dyslexics can be very literal aka you say one thing and they will follow to a T very exsperating at times but at the same time not very detailed oriented)

She told me I wouldn't graduate high school. She yelled at me when I couldn't see the front vs the back side of a paper and made me rewrite things over and over. My mom fought her and I didn't tell her half the stuff I said on here. The principle was sick and the replacement wasn't really sure what to do. It is important to rememeber ADA and IDEA are 3 years old at this point. I hope that this is a different story now I hope it is but I don't know if it is.

After 3rd grade I kept trying to prove to myself she was wrong that she was an idoit and didn't know anything. I kept trying to show to myself I wasn't those words, however I could never find that voice some how on days when I have a bad disability day cause frankly everyone does. She is the one who comes in my head this women who scared me. I keep thinking I will write her a letter and say seee I did it. I graduated but that is puting the power back in her hands. I have the power not her. I do know I want to stop the world from having people like her I want to fight those teacher or professors and be the professor who say NOOOOO YOU CAN STOP LISTENING TO THAT VOICE!!!! I wish there was a happy ending I think she did learn something from me but I don't know. I would like to think but I try to not hear her but some how on those days when the disability day was bad which is rarely she sneaks in she becomes loud and she is all i can hear.

She did do one thing that was good that thing is ingraining in me when someone is speaking your eyes watch them follow them like a tennis game never stop. She would yell if you didn't follow her too. I have always done this. I sometimes wondered if it was just her too ingrained in my head. When I got to college, I realize the constant looking at people talking had turned into reading lips. It wasn't something i was conscent of but when i was in a big lecture hall for the first time I couldn't read lips and i understood less then 50% being said it was like listening to a forign language. From that point on I sat where I read lips I concisously read lips and things were better.

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